The Best Love
by Pork Steak the Grande
Summary: Songfic, If it Were Up To Me. Mariku has come to the conclusion that proposing is a good idea. Mariku is likely wrong, and why exactly does Bakura stink so bad? [MalikxMariku, shounenai, oneshot.]


It: Salutations!

Grim Reaper: -waves- Hullo from the grave! We would like to first say, no, we do not own Yuugioh, but hope you will read on anyways!

Gandalf: Also, this is a 'songfic' (sort of) to:

_Rooney- "If it Were Up To Me"_

_Fruity/Rooney_

**God: This story contains Shounen-ai. If that bothers you, I think you should continue taking a bath instead of reading on! …You have been warned. AHEM!**

**Gandalf: With no further adieu, read on yo!**

_-_

_"Malik, will you marry me?"_

_-_

_"Malik, have you decided yet?" Soft, confused lavender eyes peered up to me from the pages of a book, probably some twisted romance where the man's ex-lover who killed his current girl turns out to be his cousin. Malik's always reading sick stuff like that._

_"N-not yet..." he answers softly, turning back to his book._

_-_

_"Malik, yes or no?" I ask, growing aggravated. It's been a couple of days and still no goddamned answer! I swear this marriage thing is a total hoax! Malik stared at me like he'd just shit his pants when I asked him!_

_"Mariku... ask later."_

_-_

_"So baby, will you?" I purr into his ear as my fingers gently graze through his delicate sandy blonde strands. Half-lidded, hazy eyes widen, a plush lip starting to quiver._

_"I... I should get back to work." Awe, no fair! How come every time I ask, he gets so uncomfortable? He stands up, leaving my arms empty, and walks back to his desk, sitting down with a sigh. Mmph, no far, he'd rather do homework than be with me!_

_"But will you M-chan?"_

_Another sigh. "Ask later."_

_-_

"So... will you?"

"I DON'T FUCKING KNOW YET GEEZ! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" the sound of running echoed through the halls of the Ishtar household, a door slamming in closure, feet shuffling as fast as possible. A person stood alone in the bedroom of Malik, a handsome, intelligent, quirky college student doomed to love his evil, mysterious, and alluring, power-driven other half, who with much help and being locked in an attic like a hermit, changed. He was, at the very least, civil enough to be aloud in to the streets of Domino city freely, and attend a local community college to one day advance in a carrier as a forensic scientist...

...Or a mortician. Either way, both would be happy. Though lately, Malik had seemed quite the opposite, having left his Yami abandoned in the house, alone and confused. It was freaking all because of that question..

The peculiar blonde haired male sighed in defeat, sinking to the ground with a thud.

"This is stupid! I keep asking and praying for an answer, but all I get is the same thing! 'Ask later Mariku', 'Not now Mariku!' Maybe Bakura was right... Malik doesn't want to marry me after all.

-_"She doesn't have the answer yet, the answer yet! I'm breathin' down her neck! Maybe I should give it time… If it were up to me, she would know that she'll be the one who when I'm dead will use my bed and she'll spend her life thinking of us and making a fuss! If it were up to me, she would know that…"_

That was the day it all started, one week ago from today. I had been driving back from the cemetery like usual, singing in my car to some song on my favorite radio station, grooving out and what not, minding my own business

_"Our love is the best love! (Best Love!) If it were up to me… Our love! (Our Love!) is real love, so just let it be!"_ I screeched out with my window rolled down grinning wildly as the wind rushed through my hair. I hit every note of the song perfectly (as usual), even though I was driving twenty miles over the speed limit, racing my friend in the lane next to me…

What makes it even worse, is if I lost, I'd have to clean all Bakura's underwear for a week! See, he has to do it himself because his other half can't deal with the irregular, foul smelling odors, and substances that reside in Bakura's undergarments. Mostly because Bakura wears his boxers for a whole week before changing them, and loathes showering and bathing. He doesn't even like to change his clothes! Yeah, he's a nasty, lazy cocksucker. In fact, the only way he'll actually take a shower is if Ryou takes onewith him.

…Yeah, he's way smarter than he looks. Enough about him though. He's not really important._ "Should've asked them what I asked you to get the answer, yes to get the answer!"_ Yeah, Malik got me hooked on this band, he's nuts for them. Seriously! He like… blasts this shit up when he takes the shower! One time I even heard him moaning out "Fruity!, Fruity!" in the shower! I got real jealous though, 'coz I'm supposed to be Malik's boyfriend!

_"It's easy!"_

_"Yes, that was the fabulous Fruity with "If it Were Up To Me" here on F.A.G. radio, dial number 69.9! Your station full of today's latest in ambiguous music and fantabulous hits! Aren't those boy's cute DJ Ghetto-Fab?"_

_"Why yes DJ Glam, they are! But oh my freaking goodness, I have something to tell you!"_

_"Oh!"_ My favorite DJ squeals. DJ Ghetto-Fab is the best!_ "I just saw the cutest marriage yesterday! Awe, they loved each other sooo much! I be their honeymoon really 'rocks hard'!"_ Giggles from the radio,_ "Anyways, anyone else have any sweet engagement or wedding stories to tell us? We're taking calls!"_

_"Oooooh! A caller already! Oh my gosh sweetie, go ahead and tell us, what is up?"_

_"…Is this FAG radio?"_

_"…Yes sweetheart, this is F.A.G. radio, you're on the air! DJ Glam here, go ahead and tell us your story!"_

_"…You're gay."_ The phone clicked, and a nervous cough filtered through my speakers.

_"Anyway! Caller number two, what is your name?"_

_"OMG! OOOOMG! Am I like, totally on air?!?"_

_"Yeah! What's __your name?"_

_"Solomon! Oi, it was so sweeeeet! We were eating steak in the bathtub like we always do in candlelight with a little jazz music and… I thought he was leaning in to kiss me and OMG! He totally popped the question! He was all like, "Will You Marry Me?" "And I'm like Oh Pegasus, you sexy beast! Fuck yeah I'll marry you, you're rich!" Oh, it was sooooo cuuuute!"_ The male squealed. Wow, that guys getting a hell of a bargain. He gets to marry a really hot guy and get loads of money!

_"Uhm… yeah. Anyways, thanks for calling Solomon, have a fantabulous day!"_

_-_

Marriage? The word ran through my mind, contemplating the idea. I'd heard it before on a soap opera I'd watched. And the guy asked the girl to marry him and she started crying and taking off all her cloths and was like, "Billy I love you sooo much! Yessss, do me!" And then they did it… She had the biggest tits I've ever seen!

…You know, that might've been a porno. Hm… I drum my fingers on my chin in thought. So, I was thinking and thinking… And then it hit me! To make Malik as happy as her (and get a night full of hot, sweaty, passionate sex out of it) A marriage sounded like a great idea! I didn't even care if Malik wore a tight, revealing white dress or not! I was in love with the idea since I love him after all, and he loves me, so I figured… Why not? I even dragged Bakura along with me to 'pick' the perfect ring out. After we used his fiver finger discount he had for the jewelry store, I had to think of the perfect place to pop the question.

Bakura thought in front of the TV, but I was thinking Malik'd be happier if I proposed else where, somewhere more romantic. 'Sides, Malik kinda hates TV, and I'd probably forget all about proposing if I was in front of that thing.

…Continuing. So, I took him to a ritzy, five-star restaurant and not a McDonald's like Bakura suggested. I did the whole get on the knee thing and even waited for the perfect moment to do it. I asked him the question in a serious tone, staring him straight in those pretty lilac eyes of his and he froze from head to toe. That wasn't at all what I had expected! I wanted tears, and the biggest, sloppiest kiss I could ever imagine! But… he just stopped moving and I began to wonder if he was even alive. Then I saw his leg give a twitch so I realized he wasn't dead! Then I tapped him lightly and he jumped out of his seat almost, and replied to me that he'd think about it.

I swear, I've waited forever and ever and he STILL hasn't given me an answer! I didn't even think of it at first, but then it came to me! The real Malik had been kidnapped by cannibal, soul eating aliens and was replaced with an emotionless robot! I even made a clever plan to go and rescue the real Malik, and destroy the imposture. But after I told Isis, she laughed so hard I think I saw a wet stain on the back of her dress. She told me, "I was an the stupidest human ever to have been alive, and that Malik was just too intelligent for me and would rather marry a fly than someone with my low IQ." She also reminded me that yes, I had asked the real Malik. So I thought and contemplated for hours on end, and then I figured my conclusion out! Malik was leaving Japan to become a part of the Sigfred and Roy act in Los Vegas, and was keeping it from me! …Ryou told me that wasn't logical and that Malik loved me, that I was just being silly. So I sat in my thinking chair and came up with the grand finale of evaluations. Malik just doesn't love me anymore, and I want to know why! Which his why I'm here now, searching the streets of Domino for him.

Hm… it's been a whole hour, and I can't find him anywhere! I almost think he got kidnapped! …Damn those clever men and their Buick's, telling attractive young boys to come close so they can pull into their cars! It's too genius, even my Malik would fall for it within seconds!

They better not have my snuggle bunny…

I run faster. "They better not have my sex kitten! Don't worry, I'll save yoooou!" I yelp. Why are people staring at me like that? What freaks…

Hm, sometimes he likes to go to the park and watch that lake even know it doesn't move! He likes to swing too! I used to love to too until I jumped off when I was going real high 'cause Bakura told me to! I ended up with my head cracking open on the cement. …But I got lots of candy and gifts and tons of kisses from my Pretty! It was qway worth it!

Oh my goodness, Detective Genius Mariku has found his pretty! I am briiilliant!"

"Move out of my way! The Detective is coming through bitches!" I push a couple of five-ear-olds out of the way as I run to my precious. They're crying! Oh what a bunch of little pussies! …Kind of like Bakura's hikari.

"Malik! Maaaalik!" I jump down onto the grass in front of him, kneeling, nestling against his knees.

"I found you! Mmph, baby, why don't you love me!"

"Mar-Mariku?" he voices, sounding indecisive. He sighs and starts petting my head. Mmph, I like when he does that! I purr and nestle against his hand before peering at him, scanning his disheartened face. Why does he look so sad?

"Why don't you want to marry me Malik?" He gulps and averts my gaze, peering to his own hands. Awe, snuggly kitten, do not cry! You will make your sex bomb cry!!

"Mariku?" I lick his pant leg to let him know I'm listening.

"Yes sugar doodle?"

"Do… do you remember the first time you told me you loved me?"

I grin. "Yeah! You yelled at me and you smacked me 'coz you didn't believe me and you said I was being too sweet!" I feel my stomach flip as he smiles. That's the first time I've really seen him do so since I first asked him to marry me…

"Yeah, well," he sighs.

"Ohh Malik, sweet pudding pie! I can tell you have something important to tell me that you're holding in, kinda like a poop! Lit it all out Malik, be free, be free of the demon!" I shout out, squeezing my baby's hand tightly. Malik blushes slightly and covers his face with his free hand. I gaze behind my shoulder to see people staring at me with their eyebrows raised. Geez, what? Do they have a staring problem or something? What total freaks!

"Mariku I just…" I lean down to kiss his hand.

"You don't love me anymore, do you? Please say it isn't so butterbuns, please say it isn't so!" Malik huffs and swats me on the head. Erg, that hurt! I rub the wounded body part.

"It's not like that 'Riku, not at all! Of course I love you, you dope!" I squeal and give his legs a tight squeeze, kissing them.

"B-but.. Why won't you marry me then?" I ask, lifting my head up, cocking it to the side in confusion.

"Be-because… I just… I love you and you, you surprised me. Marriage is for people who love each other undeniably and want to stay together forever. They want to spend the rest of their lives waking in each other's arms and grow old together!" he muses, petting me again.

"I want to though, sill Malik-chan! I don't care if you get wrinkly and live to be 80! I still want to screw you and stay with you, because I love you!" Malik smiles and leans down to kiss my forehead. Yay, kisses for 'Riku-sama!

"Well, I didn't know if I ever wanted to… you know, get married and stay with you forever."

"…But Malik-chan, love! Marriage isn't permanent! There's always divorce!" I shout out. He raises an eyebrow.

"Yes, but when I marry someone, I want it to be forever. I wasn't ready to decide something so important so soon! I got so damn nervous and I was second guessing everything. I even doubted out love and I was so lost and confused!" I laugh and stare into his eyes.

"But Malik-chan, like the Fruity's say! Our love is the best love, if it were up to me! So what if your mom and dad kicked the bucket and Isis says I'm worthless, I don't care! I still wanna stay with you forever!" Malik lowers his eyes.

"Mariku, I know you do, which is why…" he pauses. Erg, I hate when people stop in the middle of sentences! I'm impatient!

"WHAT?!? WHAT!?!"

"I do. I'll marry you and be yours forever because…" I moan as I feel Malik's squishy, soft lips press against mine. Eee, I'm so happy! Malik-chan is gonna me mine forevaaa! MWAHAHAHAHA!

"I love you and Fruity is right, our love is the best love, even if I were a female you and we couldn't have kids!

"…Yes we could! Malik-chan, if you were a female, we'd have the right sex organs!" Malik shakes his head and laughs, shaking his head.

"No we couldn't! Sweetie, stupid people shouldn't breed, don't you know? It's okay though 'Riku! I love you anyway!"

"..Hey, wha-" I blink and am interrupted as a bush shakes, laughter erupting from it. …Hey! The plant can't mock me, it shouldn't even have a voice! Suddenly the aroma of dead carcasses and cabbage fill my nostrils. Only one thing smells that horrible…

"BAKURA! Why are you in that bush!?!"

"Huh?" A foliage-covered head pops out of the plant. "Oh! Because Ryou won't let me inside."

Malik grimaces and covers his nose, looking away in disgust. "Meet you by the ice cream truck baby. Ugh, Bakura! Take a bath!" he exclaims before he takes off, running away. I can hear him coughing still…

"Hey, you just ruined my chance of getting a really good kiss! You dickwad, bathe!" Bakura huffs and crosses his arms.

"I don't smell that bad, geez! And no, I can't even go inside to take a bath. Ryou says the only way he'll even let me indoors is if I agree to let him bathe me in the bucket outside that he washes the dog in! He says my stench has gotten so putrid, it'll kill his new fish." I cackle and stand up, brushing the grass off my knees.

"Loser. Anyways, I gotta go make hot, makeup sex with my morsel! Later stink bomb!" Eek! I gag as I dash the away, trying to save my nose. I grin as I see Malik, running up to him and picking him up in my arms, whirling him around. "Mmph! Looove you!" I cry as I place kisses all over his smooth face.

"Love you too 'Riku!" Malik laughs and kisses me back, snuggling up in my arms. "Now can we please go home and screw? Like you said 'Riku-sama, I need my sex bomb!"

_-_

_Screams echoed through the Domino city park as a cute, sweet white haired teen stomped over to a bush, wearing a gas mask. The boy rolled pretty jade eyes and grabbed his Yami by the ear._

_"Ow Ryou, owieeee!"_

_"You're going to come home and take a bath, and that's final!"_

_…_

_Bakura cried._

_-_

_OWARI!_

_-_

God: XD Hope you liked!

Gandalf: A strange little story of love but… cute nonetheless?

God: …I guess!

It: Anyways, we hope you enjoyed, and of course…

Greebo the Dragon: We'd love you even more if you reviewed!

God: Yesh, yesh we would! Have a great weekend all!

_Thanks for reading!_


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